Saturday, July 27, 2013

When Lightning Strikes

Dad and I had a fight.

We've been in this dragging fiasco since the day he chose to dishonor his covenant with Mama. I didn't want to believe he could do such a horrible mistake. I always thought highly of him and I fought real hard to combat the poisonous whispers surrounding our broken family--until the harsh truth bit me in the flesh.

I did my best to win him back even if it felt wrong down to the core---I've always believed he was that one man I never had to win.  I was terribly wrong---even if I really wanted to hate him for being some bad ass mongrel I could no longer recognize. But I had to win him back for Mama who was crumbling into pieces. I had to win him back because that's what family is all about--not turning your backs on them even if they already did, right?

The past half a year has been a series of unfortunate events--unfortunate being a total understatement. Heartbreaking, more of. Repeatedly and consistently at that. But I was told to not let the hurt cling unto the soul and just let forgiveness crack in light to the weary heart.

So I caved in. I tried to focus on the good-- the little remnants that gave me hope-- no matter how rare. I tried to forgive. As if something as massive as that could be surmountable in a flash. As if pressing restart was as simple as batting the eyelash. As if it could be bright and sunny instantaneously after a typhoon raged havoc all over town. But I tried--at least, to hold it in.

Until today, when he kept on provoking the raging storm I've managed to hush inside. I might have struck like lightning because I know I hit right to the core. That's just one of the things I'm good at, if not the only thing I'm good at--picking the right words. Short but sweet deadly.

And I'm sorry, Dy BUT I'm not sorry. I had to say those words out loud. Because I wanted you to hear them badly. From me. For the truth hurts AND you've been raging recklessly all over--damning the consequences your actions entailed.

I will never dishonor you. I will never disrespect you. I will always love you. Even now that you're being so difficult. I'm far from indestructible. I'm far from perfect. BUT I'm trying. Please stop making it all the more difficult. I'm tired of all the drama.
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