Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Territorial Flag

There are people you go to work with everyday. There are people you party with. There are people you play pretend with. There are people who inspire you. There are people who provoke you. And there are those who makes you feel better about yourself because they love you just the way you are. =) Everyone wants a piece of heaven, right? That's why I love being with my RGeu. It's not everyday you find a group of people you can feel totally comfortable with. =)

Last December 27, 2010, we had our Christmas dinner at Joshua's pad in UN, Manila. T'was FUN as always. =) RGeu warmth never fails. We had super fun playing Pinoy Henyo and Charades. I guess it never grows on you. I hope it never will. =)

They say I never really loved you. How come I feel this way? How come I still feel territorial over you. They thought I was the one who dumped you for another. You think I was mean. I say, you were never really completely mine in the first place. You never wanted me as badly. You just loved the thought that I was there for you. But I'm happy where I am now. I sincerely hope you are too.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Oh It's Christmas!

Christmas in a few hours and honestly, I feel more scared than excited.

We'd be attending the Asperas Clan Noche Buena at our house in the South tonight. Everyone's gonna be there. And I guess, everyone's gonna ask the billion-dollar question. Haaaaay.

I feel like running away from family and friends, who might not understand. Every single time I see prejudice in other people's eyes, I do my best to hold onto the fact that I have a bigger GOD, the one who blessed me with this life, who knows better.

It doesn't help that mom's mocking me too. I could really use all the support I need. ='( And tonight is just one family holiday, I couldn't escape from.

So I guess I'll just put on my make up and a smile on my face. And if anyone asks, I'll just do my best to evade.

It really doesn't help that K is gonna be there.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Oh Y'know, Parents!

As children, we look up to our parents like they were the real superheroes of our small world. When we grow up, we want to be like them- perfect and really nice.

But when we grow older, we start to take notice of their imperfections. We start to realize that they are real people with real flaws and shortcomings. At first, it makes you hate them.

Eventually, you resign to accept their quirks thinking you can't change them. But when you grow wiser, you develop a complete understanding of who they are, where they've been, what they do, how and why they do the things they do.

Woke up this morning, hearing my parents bickering. Familiar issues rise up the surface. Somehow, in the midst of their squabble, I've been dragged into the issue without doing anything.

I hated them for that. I hated them for thinking that way. I hated them for pointing fingers BUT more because all their fingers pointed to me. I've been asking GOD why they had to be like that. I guess I already know why. I guess I also know they wouldn't change anymore. But it still hurts. AND a lot of times, I still pray they wouldn't do some of the things they do.

Recently, mom went overboard and I wasn't able to control myself. For days, I couldn't get myself into talking to her. I couldn't even look at her. I didn't even want to go home! I was madly hurt, I needed the space.

Pero hindi ko din natiis.

I guess we would never get to hate them more than we love them. And at the end of the day, no matter how old we become, our parents will always act as the parents that they have been since the day we were born.
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