Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Territorial Flag

There are people you go to work with everyday. There are people you party with. There are people you play pretend with. There are people who inspire you. There are people who provoke you. And there are those who makes you feel better about yourself because they love you just the way you are. =) Everyone wants a piece of heaven, right? That's why I love being with my RGeu. It's not everyday you find a group of people you can feel totally comfortable with. =)

Last December 27, 2010, we had our Christmas dinner at Joshua's pad in UN, Manila. T'was FUN as always. =) RGeu warmth never fails. We had super fun playing Pinoy Henyo and Charades. I guess it never grows on you. I hope it never will. =)

They say I never really loved you. How come I feel this way? How come I still feel territorial over you. They thought I was the one who dumped you for another. You think I was mean. I say, you were never really completely mine in the first place. You never wanted me as badly. You just loved the thought that I was there for you. But I'm happy where I am now. I sincerely hope you are too.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Oh It's Christmas!

Christmas in a few hours and honestly, I feel more scared than excited.

We'd be attending the Asperas Clan Noche Buena at our house in the South tonight. Everyone's gonna be there. And I guess, everyone's gonna ask the billion-dollar question. Haaaaay.

I feel like running away from family and friends, who might not understand. Every single time I see prejudice in other people's eyes, I do my best to hold onto the fact that I have a bigger GOD, the one who blessed me with this life, who knows better.

It doesn't help that mom's mocking me too. I could really use all the support I need. ='( And tonight is just one family holiday, I couldn't escape from.

So I guess I'll just put on my make up and a smile on my face. And if anyone asks, I'll just do my best to evade.

It really doesn't help that K is gonna be there.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Oh Y'know, Parents!

As children, we look up to our parents like they were the real superheroes of our small world. When we grow up, we want to be like them- perfect and really nice.

But when we grow older, we start to take notice of their imperfections. We start to realize that they are real people with real flaws and shortcomings. At first, it makes you hate them.

Eventually, you resign to accept their quirks thinking you can't change them. But when you grow wiser, you develop a complete understanding of who they are, where they've been, what they do, how and why they do the things they do.

Woke up this morning, hearing my parents bickering. Familiar issues rise up the surface. Somehow, in the midst of their squabble, I've been dragged into the issue without doing anything.

I hated them for that. I hated them for thinking that way. I hated them for pointing fingers BUT more because all their fingers pointed to me. I've been asking GOD why they had to be like that. I guess I already know why. I guess I also know they wouldn't change anymore. But it still hurts. AND a lot of times, I still pray they wouldn't do some of the things they do.

Recently, mom went overboard and I wasn't able to control myself. For days, I couldn't get myself into talking to her. I couldn't even look at her. I didn't even want to go home! I was madly hurt, I needed the space.

Pero hindi ko din natiis.

I guess we would never get to hate them more than we love them. And at the end of the day, no matter how old we become, our parents will always act as the parents that they have been since the day we were born.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Light and Darkness

I believe that our presence affect the people around us. I believe that all human beings are contagious. I believe that we radiate light, darkness and often a mixture of both. This, we reflect from and towards other people.

I want to believe that from the start we were all bright and shiny- without a trace of darkness and gloom. I want to believe that darkness is but fleeting. It comes but it goes. I want to believe that amidst having to go through the gray areas of life that made us flicker, eventually we were destined to shine in absolute radiance beside something bigger than us.

Today, I flickered more frequently than ever. I had darker days but none gloomier than this one. I guess yesterday's regrets do cut deeper than today's mistakes.

A wise man once said that who we are today is the absolute sum of all our previous decisions. Today, I just feel as if I made all the worst decisions one can ever make in her lifetime.

I used to believe that GOD had kept me within his blanket of grace. I used to believe that no matter what I do wrong, He would be there to break my fall every single time. Just as it always has been. Just the way it used to be.

I'm holding onto the one thing I have left- faith. I have faith on GOD's promise of a brighter future. I have faith on GOD's promise of a beautiful life. And although the darkness might have gotten hold of me tonight, I won't let the light within me burn out because I am a star and I am destined to shine.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Matira Matibay

I wasn't a big fan of Pacman. In fact, I was one of his constant critics. HAHA. I hated boxing. And I hated the fact that someone who rules that hated sport had that much influence in our nation much more. I find it ballistic that people had to succumb to violence for entertainment. I find it insane that just because someone literally knocks other people down in a ring, the whole nation had to bow down on their knees and adore him like a king. Oooh. That last sentence rhymed. Amusing. I found it appalling that such explicit violence allegedly unites the Filipinos as a nation. WTH.

 I wasn't excited to watch the Pacquiao-Margarito fight live. I was just feeling giddy because I get to watch it live for FREE. Bazinga! Imagine the hundreds of pesos, people actually paid just to watch what appeared to me as a mere human cockfight! But lo and behold, when the game commenced I was praying for Pacman's win.

Pacman ruled rounds 1 and 2 without a doubt. He was feisty, aggressive and full of energy. He was undeniably quick and by the looks of Margarito's would be swelling face, irrevocably strong. Even at round 3, when it seemed as if Margarito has just only then put his game face on, I was confident Pacman will win the game.

The biased crowd I was watching with got rowdy at round 4. It was Pacman's highest high. Intense enough that I witnessed a glimpse of the great boxer that he really was (Ok, I can't believe I'm typing this). The moves, the speed, and the techniques were without a doubt a result of experience and excellent training. That day, boxing appeared as more than a form of violence and gambling to me. Surprisingly enough that I almost couldn't believe I'm saying this, it appeared much more of a science that had to be learned, developed and continually improved upon.

Rounds 5 through 8 were heart breaking. I was literally convincing GOD that Pacman, by all means, CANNOT lose. The Philippines needed the win. Flashes of the late hostage crisis, the oil spill and images of our current president literally busting his ass off just to convince the leaders of the rest of the world that the Philippines is still one safe place to travel and invest in populated my mind. Cheap, I know. But Pacman's loss would be one heart break that our already heart broken nation totally do not need right now. That punch on his side, the alleged liver punch, frightened the hell out of me- and I guess the hell out of everyone of us, watching, rooting for Pacman. Later that evening I found out that Aling Dionisia even experienced an anxiety attack because of it.

The crowd I was watching with grew silent until round 9, when we started being hopeful again. For me, that was the start of Manny's best rounds. It was obvious he was tired. It was obvious that his speed, accuracy and energy has waned. To an amateur like me, it seemed as if during the succeeding rounds, it was no longer a fight between the best moves and techniques. It was just a struggle to survive longer than the other- matira matibay, in our native tongue. Margarito cornered him more than once. In fact, Margarito was strong enough and skilled enough to repeatedly corner him throughout the remaining rounds. But Manny was resilient enough to continue fighting and to break loose from it every single time.

I guess, for me his unmatched resilience is his best skill. Not the strong punches. Not his quick moves. Not even his pumped up physical endurance. Just the undying will to fight and fight well until the final round- win or lose; but hopeful for a win. It was one hell of a fiesta when he was finally declared a winner by unanimous decision. Congratulatory tweets flooded my phone. That day. Manny made history. His 8th World Boxing title is something that the world can never take away from a Filipino.

No. I'm still not a Pacquiao fan, or at least I'll never admit being one- not even to myself! HAHA. AND I DEFINITELY STILL HATE BOXING and its VIOLENCE and dirty GAMBLING that comes along with it. But we have to give credit to a good game. And I have to admit that that 25-minute fight has brought me wonderful realizations about boxing as a sport, Pacman as the greatest boxer of our time, and the Filipinos as a nation. Even gone as far as inspiring me to become one good fighter in this ring called life.

P.S I pray to GOD I'll never have to marry a boxer. *wink*

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm happy I waited for the right time. I'm happy I waited for the right guy. I'm happy I waited for you. And I wouldn't have wanted it any different.=)) I still swoon by the thought of it; by the thought of us, then-even if it were years ago. *wink*

 You were a lot of firsts and hopefully, the only one who'll last.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Had a chance to be part of the 1st Industrial and Managerial Holistic Student's Conference team last weekend. To be honest, I didn't want to attend the event at first. But I'm really glad that eventually, I did.I managed to listen to the last straws of the talk of the second speaker BUT I'm fortunate enough to listen to the thought provoking and entertaining words of Francis Kong. From him, I learned the five levels of leadership.

Five Levels of Leadership
1. Position Level of Leadership
People follow you because you are in the position to demand it from them.

2. Permission Level of Leadership
People follow you because they think that you could lead them to reach their individual or team's goals.

3. Co-production Level of Leadership
People follow you because they've seen what you've done and they trust your capability to produce the results that they are also vying for.

4, People Development Leadership
Leadership where you do not only get the job done but also help your people maximize their potentials and grow into better individuals. Success without succession is a failure.

5. Servant Leadership
When you go beyond your personal interests and stand up for visions bigger than you.

I would like to believe that I'm starting to master the art of the fourth level of leadership. Both for PRIME and for YFC. I would like to believe that I have started molding the people unto whom I could entrust the mentioned organizations when the right time comes. But I know I still have a lot to learn.

"Good leaders are made BUT they have to be born first"

The crowd bursted into laughter at what they thought was a joke. BUT I think it was more of a witty way of saying that before one could become a great leader, he has to consciously want to become one. Leadership is not something you could master in a year or so. It's a mixture of skill and character of which dimensions you could always improve on. It's a lifetime process of continuous learning but only with conscious effort. 

"Fail NOW and succeed SOONER"

 I believe I learned how it is to FAIL BIG TIME soon enough. I'm NOT letting myself fall in the same pits again soon, if not ever! I've learned the hard way and I haven't gained full composure back. But I know I'm on the right track.

"Who you are and who you will be are consequences of the decisions you make everyday."

 Today, I decide to emerge victorious in all my current and upcoming endeavors. Today, I decide to do things with honor. Today, I decide to be in constant pursuit of excellence. Today, I am a winner and every single day I will choose to be one.

Not only did I learn about brand and team leadership but during the afternoon I got to learn about public speaking and power dressing hosted by Ms. Claud Mallilin of Business Trends. Won't enumerate the things I learned anymore or else this entry would be a total bore! HAHA. But I guess the biggest lesson here is to never let go of any opportunity to learn no matter how lazy you feel during any moment of your life. Because frankly, there is ALWAYS so much more to life that we don't know.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I don't wish upon shooting stars. I don't whisper on wish cottons then blow them away. I never even tried my luck on wish bones. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in wishes coming true. But I do it differently- I light candles and then I pray. I don't believe in luck. But I'm a strong believer of the power of faith. 

Coming from a Catholic School (St. Paul College Makati), I probably know more angels and saints than the average number my friends could give. I memorize a number more prayers and know more about the beliefs, symbolisms and practices of the Roman Catholic Church than any kid of my age. (Yihee feeling bata! HAHA) I've been part of the church choir (singing and playing the keyboards) for a couple of years until I realized that my voice was better off reading the scripture than singing verses. (I seriously do not understand why I was even accepted in glee club back then. Maybe they just didn't want to break my heart!) My religion classes taught me most of what I know about my religion. But it was when I left SPCM that I knew what faith was really all about. Contrary to my mom's belief that MaSci and UP (especially UP!) turned me into a monster, it was actually being immersed in communities of diverse religions, beliefs, and practices that helped me define my own stronger perception of faith and GOD. Definitely not as consistent with the Roman Catholic's as it used to be but more personal. And I guess in the end, nourishing a more personal relationship with GOD mattered more than being merely consistent with a denomination's traditions.

Yesterday, I came with Parel, his mom and his sister to Baclaran Church for thanksgiving. I had to ride the light rail transit line 1. For the Parels' it was their fastest way to get from Kalookan North to Baclaran. For me, it was the much dreaded ride. We walked through the dingy streets of the flea market under the scorching heat of the sun (I forgot to bring my umbrella. Sun buuurn!). It was a looong walk. And I had to endure standing at the sides of the Church until the Novena and the Mass was finished. It was a longer walk on the way back. Parel and I went separate ways with his sister and his mom. They took the LRT Line 1 to Blumentritt. We took the MRT to TriNoma. Went random malling around TriNoma and then went home. 

Went home and ranted to my mom about how hot the weather was, how uncomfortable walking through the flea market was and how long we had to walk before we reached the Baclaran Church. And she told me that that was what devotion is really all about- threading the infamous Baclaran flea market just to visit Him in His church.

She spoke of her adventures when she was younger. Mom is very religious. She spent most of her youth in pilgrimages to wherever and I admire her for that. But I guess the apple fell a bit farther from the tree. I'm not as religious (I won't even qualify as one) and I don't associate churches as "tambayan". But that doesn't mean I have less faith than she has nor does it mean I have more. It just means that we're different. No one is better or worse than the other. Just different. Mom would brave to travel as far as Rome (or more often Antipolo) just to attend the Holy Eucharist. I'd attend mass in Greenbelt and still feel the same presence that GOD wants us to feel. Mom could do novenas and pray psalms only their generation understands and I could pray to Him in colloquial English, Tagalog, French (yihee!), or even in jejemon, and He would hear and understand us both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that GOD is the amazing god that He is. He wouldn't mind how and as to why we do it. He doesn't need demonstrations of devotions. He just needs to know that we love and respect Him. Every good thing in the world and in our lives in exchange of nothing more but a generous space in our hearts.

I lit the first candle in thanksgiving for the blessing Parel was blessed with recently. The latter three are wishes that I've long been praying for. And which, I know, will come true in GOD's time -- definitely not because I would have been lucky by then, but because I have remained faithful. =))

Friday, October 22, 2010

Cap On The Go

Gerald, Carla, Parel and I joined the 1st San Miguel Yamamura Packaging Competition. It wasn't for a fulfillment of any academic requirement. We just suddenly had the inspiration to design as Engineers (Carla and I are Industrial Engineers; Parel and Ge are Mechanical Engineers).

We were very hopeful about this competition. We were even determined to win! But I guess victory does not lie on recognition alone. In fact, victory is achieved in the simple act of pursuing it. In the end, it was the learning experience that mattered more. =)) Although, the awarding ceremony won't be until the 16th of next month. 


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Truth is, I never really knew the true meaning of friendship until high school.

We were not allowed to play outside the house when we were younger. My playmates were my yayas and older cousins who treated me like a baby (even when I was no longer one). I never knew how to reach out to people, I'm not biologically related to, maybe until now.

It's because of this that I found it real hard to adjust during my first few years in school. Mom had to enroll me into different workshops just so I could learn how to mingle with other kids my age. That's how much of an anti-social bitch I was. I thought I had progress during my latter years in grade school when I started to become part of my first girl group-JCJ. Those were the days when young girls form girl groups and name themselves by joining the first letters of their first names. Silly? Funny, now that I think about it! But I guess friendships in an all-girl school could really be volatile. I don't remember exactly what happened and why it did. But I remember rejection real bad. I remember being "in" one moment and then being isolated the next. I don't remember the pain anymore but I guess trauma hit me hard. Until now, I've become very reserved and picky when it comes to people I get close to. My confidence suffered real bad. I haven't fully regained composure yet. I guess never will.

It was high school at MaSci when people got to appreciate me so much to my surprise. I've been part of lots of circle of friends who valued me and welcomed me in their lives. I didn't have to pretend I'm someone I'm not. And if that wasn't enough, a number of boys even tried pursuing me. Seriously, what were those boys thinking? HAHA.

College came and I've been into more circle of friends than I could ever imagine. I've been blessed with good people I never thought I'd deserve.

Spent the weekend in LB with my birthday bunch! It's been awhile since we last saw each other and I really missed their company. Papoo cooked dynamite. pesto and bolognese for all of us. Never really knew how good he is in cooking 'til this weekend.
Dynamite:Long Chilli plus Cheese plus Ground Beef
Sizzlin Hot!

Not Your Ordinary Pesto!

This is one of the circle of friends I'm proud to have been part of. =)They've been through one of the biggest blows a barkada could go through, but here they are ready to forgive and be forgiven. Met with Parel and Papoo at Gateway before we met with Kath at the H&M bus station.

We suffered the wrath of Juan (the alleged super typhoon scheduled to hit the country the day after) on our way to the bus station. Some of us had doubts whether we'd still be able to go to LB or not. But the decision was unanimous, we'd see baby CJ that day no matter what. And we did.

The road trip was twice as much fun as I thought it would be. We watched the surprise birthday video presentation that Pap made for his mom and dad and tried guessing what these symbols in his baller meant. Can you guess?

 If I were to describe this weekend in two words, it would be "GOOD FOOD".

 That weekend is the start of a lot more celebrations of genuine friendship to come. =)) Looking forward to our next meet up. I know it's gonna be epic. As always. =)

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Hell Week

Worst hell week of the semester ends today. I've been splurging real bad these past days it's depleting my allowance!

Bought a pricey blouse on my way to school today. I needed to do it to feel better. I did. A bit. Not enough though.

Also, I need to buy new lenses already, my glasses is killing me.

Ate at Flapjacks, Technohub with Tonton and Gold today. Studied for my 141 exam tomorrow. I wonder where Dear is. =(

Random constipated thoughts. I'm just waiting for the 3rd episode of Grey's Anatomy to load, then I'll study again. I need to do good on tomorrow's exam. I need to pass BADLY.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Only Then Is It True

The world speaks of its wonderful beginnings and heart breaking endings; unbeknownst that it is at its truest in between. 

When your feelings are no longer hyperbole. 
When you've had enough of each other already. 
When everything is either boring and messy. 
It is true. 

When you're no longer blinded with made-up perfection. 
When you can finally see his quirks and gotten over adoration. 
When everything he does annoys you. 
It is true. 

When he starts to forget everything you say. 
When he won't spend time with you the whole day. 
When you can't sort things out but you say it's okay. 
It is true. 

For that time in between when infatuation fades, 
when nothing about him comes as a daze 
when every day together doesn't count as a date 
Only then is it true. 

When you share a suitcase full of regret 
plus a bagful of memories you choose to forget 
yet its worth all the heart break you get 
Only then is it true. 

For love only is and only will be 
when its stripped of everything the world dictates it to be 
when you break all the rules and choose to see
the magic beyond fairy tales 
the beauty beyond happy endings 
with the person not fit to be Prince Charming 
Only then is it true.
Got this as a surprise from Gold last Friday. Sweet! Literally and figuratively. *wink*

I love having new found friends. We've known each other for quite sometime now, but it was only yesterday, at the PRIME loft, that that friendship was sealed with a confession that caught me by surprise. At our age and with the communities surrounding us, it's hard to find genuine friendships that you can trust on. I'm glad she trusted me with her heart. Totally appreciated it. =)

Recent events has been tiring lately. Friday night til Saturday couldn't have been any worse. But deep inside I know I'm craving for this kind of pressure- the brain-wracking kind. And I know GOD is by my side. Slept the whole afternoon yesterday and watched movies and episodes til this afternoon. I think I've rested enough. I need to get back to work. This week is gonna be one hell of a week. Wish me luck!

Got my first salary from Online Articles. Yahoo. But then again, bills are already lining up. HAHA. Well, at least I won't owe anybody anything. =)

Monday, September 27, 2010

I guess it's something I will never fully understand. Tonight, I'm just glad that we have it in us. Something uncertain but consistently promising. Something beyond our control but mind-blowingly beautiful as well. Something imperfect but genuine. And I guess, after everything it is all that matters. You and Me. Just us two.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Tell me you don’t matter to a universe that conspired to give you such a tongue, such rhythm, or rhythmless hips, such opposable thumbs.

or go home a waste of spark.
or let the maker take back your throat.
or let the creator rescind your feet.
or let your god destroy your good and fertile mind.

This is your warning, this your birthright. 

- Marty McConnell

Saturday, September 11, 2010

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

(Veronica A. Shoffstall)

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

"Don’t second guess your feelings you were right from the start And I notice she’s your lover, but she’s nowhere near your heart This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars But I think it’s very dangerous if we do not take whats ours"

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Words of Wisdom

(Fr Joseph Folliet) 

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves; they will always have entertainment.
Blessed are those who can distinguish between a mountain and a molehill; they will save themselves a lot of trouble. 
Blessed are those who can rest and sleep without looking for excuses; they will become wise.
Blessed are those who are intelligent enough not to take themselves too seriously; they will be appreciated. 
Blessed are you if you can look seriously at small things and peacefully at serious things; you will go far in life.
Blessed are you if you can admire a smile and forget a scowl; your path will be sunlit.
Blessed are you if you can always interpret the attitudes of others with good will, even when appearances are to the contrary; you may seem naive, but that is the price of charity.
Blessed are those who think before acting and who laugh before thinking;they will avoid foolish mistakes. 
Blessed are you if you know how to be silent and smile, even when you are interrupted, contradicted or walked on; the gospel is beginning to take root in your heart.
Blessed are you especially if you know how to recognize the Lord in all those you meet; you have found the true light, true wisdom.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

“Sometimes you just have to be brave. You have to be strong. Sometimes you just can’t give in to weak thoughts. You have to beat down those devils that get inside your head and try to make you panic. You struggle along, putting one foot a little bit ahead of the other, hoping that when you go backwards it won’t be too far backwards, so that when you start going forwards again you won’t have too much to catch up” 

-James Marsden

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever."

(Persuasion, Jane Austen)

Ain't she Adorable?

My current wallpaper =)) Ain't she adorable? Meet Agnes from Despicable Me. Although they could have really thought of a cuter name. *wink*.

Didn't like the movie as much as I thought I'd like it. Maybe I'm growing up. HAHA. But Agnes made it worth watching. =p She's just simply adorable. =)))

*I've been thinking a lot lately and tonight I came into conclusion that maybe I've been thinking too much. As an Industrial Engineer I was taught to make definite the uncertainties. AND this is one uncertainty I cannot yet define. It frustrates me. But frustration will lead me nowhere. And I'm sick and tired of these crippling fears. I'm done. Que sera sera.

Blind spots.

At the end of the day you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together. And I tried to focus on what's tearing me apart thinking it was the right thing to do. BUT I couldn't handle it even for a few hours! So from tonight onwards, I will focus merely on what's holding me together. AND be as happy as I can be. I deserve to be.

Monday, August 09, 2010

No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it. (Mulan1998) So howl as loudly as you can. I bet that's all you can do. *wink*

Monday, August 02, 2010

I believe that excellence can be achieved not merely by merit of a worldly institution but by Your grace. And with this in mind, I make a decision today- to be firm with my values and confident with my worth as a woman created in Your image and likeness.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Most days I want to be a writer and weave imagery with words that inspire the heart. Some days I want to be a fashion designer and launch my own unique beautiful but functional line. On rare occassions, I want to be a pianist and soothe the world's blues away. Today, I just want to be me- someone filled with wonderful dreams and who carries a strong heart. =))
Love is the color, the hues, yet it is darkness and dimness, too. Love is the glory of enlightenment and the darkness of unknowing. Love is ecstasy and misery, sureness and confusion. Love is what we want to do and have to do and refuse to do; it is what we always and ever and never can have. Love is saying, “Yes, it hurts. It hurts so much,” while clinging to the truth that this, too, will surely pass.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Baby, no matter what I do, I keep running back to you. 

 This love, it must be what they call "TRUE". 

 Your gravity always works its way through me. 

 Could you be the one? Could you be my one? I hope so. I pray so.

Monday, July 05, 2010

" I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there" 

 -The Perks of Being A Wallflower 
By Stephen Chbosky

Could it be that I simply want to be chased by you? 


 BUT Dear GOD, Please don't let him catch me. 
Someone else is holding my hand, running away with me.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

When you're with me, I feel beautiful.
When you're with me, I feel happy.
When you're with me, I feel safe.

But I can't really be with you.
As much as I want to linger by your side,
As much as I want to stay
within the beautiful bond we've made.
As much as I want to feel beautiful, happy and safe
ALL at the same time, I can't.

I know that this is too much to ask.
I know that this will be too selfish of me to ask.
And it simply is not right.

But can you stay as close as possible for the rest of our lives?
I can't be with you.
BUT I don't ever want to lose you.
GO chase other girls.
BUT promise to always be my little drummer boy.
I vow to always be your princess.
And as you say you'll always love me.
Let me add- BUT only from a distance.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

But that was in the past. It will never happen again. Promise to self.

Before today, I was so scared of you. Before today, I was so scared of being scared of you. Before today. I didn't know what to feel and what to do about it.

Today, I realized that I have better things to do. Today, I realized how happy I am with myself that I have no reasons to be scared of you. Today, I realized that you don't have to suck for me to win. Today, I realized that nobody has to win. 

I am happy. I am loved. I hope you are too. I hope we could be happy for each other too. I hope I could be sincerely happy for you.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Minamahal kong Pilipinas, pakaabangan mo lang. Magiging mabuting Inhinyera ako para sa bayan.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Please stop bothering me. You don't know how it is to be in my shoes, okay? YOU don't get the right to tell me what and what not to do, what and what not is right, and who I should and should not be.

It was not my fault, we didn't have enough time. DON'T put all the RUSH on me! I'm trying my best. And you don't know how difficult it has been. SO just shut the HELL up!

If you're so great yourself then why don't you just carry the burden off me! Why can't you make things better for all of us! I'd be glad to make you take over. You're words are NOT HELPING at all. So for the nth time, JUST SHUT UP.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

I dreamt of you tonight. I know this shall pass though. We have nothing in common this semester. Hopefully, no strings to pull us together anymore. Please, fate, spare us. I don't want anything that has to do with you anymore.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

You always set the bar I will always be on top off.

First Cluster Wide Household Meeting

This summer GOD has not only blessed us with new members to take care of, He has also anointed us with new leaders to take care of us!

It felt so good to finally have regular household meetings with YFC Central C1 leaders! The new addition to our family -Andrea Sedano and Michael Ang- made this possible! Yay to our new leaders!

We previously had another household meeting at the Ramos Residence last Thursday. It was also our late birthday celebration for Khim =) On that fateful day, Andrea opened up a concern about someone from YFC Onyx. I'm glad we finally got to shrug off the protective walls we had (more of I had). I am super looking forward to more household meetings with these people. I wish I could also welcome them at my place soon!

YFC Summer Youth Camp

Our cluster held its first Clusterwide Youth Camp this year at the St. Pius Parochial School last May 22-23, 2010. I've been in the community for so long but the passion to serve hasn't burned out still. =) I love being a Youth For Christ. I love being able to grow and inspire other people. I love being inspired by the same set of people. I love my kids. I believe that they are GOD's blessings for me.

This year has been a challenge. It felt like a losing battle. I almost doubted my ability as a cluster head. But GOD has always been the wind beneath my wings and for as long as He's there, I can never feel hopeless. My heart is full of hope that this is the start of something not only new but beautiful as well for my cluster.

I hope that more than introducing Christ to their lives, I will be able to show them how to love and value the community as much as I love and value them. This semester, I promise more fun-filled and inspiring activities for the community. I promise that we will all accelerate towards a new level of service and relationship with Christ. I pray that GOD continue to bless them with the same (if not more) amount of grace He has been showering my life with.

ILY, YFC babies. =))

Pahiyas 2010

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Movie: I Love Philip Morris

This is the first gay flick that I watched and totally enjoyed. I never imagined I would be able to relate to a gay flick. Seriously!

"Love sure is a funny thing. It makes you happy. It makes you sad. It makes you do all sorts of things you'd never think you'd do before. In fact, love's the reason why I'm lying here, dying."

Best movie opening line ever. Not because it's cheesy. It's not. But it has an unexplainable impact on the audience. Most probably because it is true.

Or maybe, it's just me. Maybe it is just true to me. *wink* I didn't think I'd like it. Like I said, I was never a fan of gay flicks. And Jim Carrey gay? Seriously? HAHA. Totally absurd. But AWESOME, nonetheless. He did not only give justice to the role. He gave it substance. He gave it its existence. He brought it to reality. Ewan McGregor is one hot gay.

No I don't think he's masculine hot, okay? I think he's gay hot! I guess like a blue-eyed blonde chick for the straight guys out there. If you know what I mean. I don't patronize same sex relationships BUT I believe in love. I believe that it moves us to become people we never thought we could be. I believe in its mystery. I believe in its dangerous charms, I believe in its mess, But most of all, I believe in its truth. And no matter how much my religion would want me to deny (abhor, even) the love that this movie screams of, I can't because as an audience, I felt its sincerity. I felt like, even for a moment, it was real.

But it was not actually the gay true love that got me hooked. It was Steven's (Jim Carrey's character) lies. I believe that we are all like Steven. Or at some point we are. We do our best to fit into roles that society dictates unto us. I believe that we do our best to conform to gain the world's approval. We assume roles, no matter how difficult and no matter how far it is from our real selves, because we think it is what will make other people stay in our lives. We struggle, until we couldn't struggle anymore. Thing is, Steven is not for real. But WE are. So unlike Steven, who didn't change his messy ways- WE can. In fact, that's the beauty of being human. We love. We learn. We hurt. We learn. We cry. We learn, And then WE CHANGE. Not instantly, of course. I wouldn't say it would be any less of a struggle. BUT we can choose to change. And eventually, we will.
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